I've grown up in a good home. My parents get along, we don't struggle with money, we have never had any major health issues, and we have dinner on the table every night. For me, this life is normal. But for other families, they all have a different version of "normal". Some families might have divorced parents, some might be an only child, some may have a sick family member. It's not always the happy little family. As we saw in Junot Diaz's Fiesta, 1980 and Ysreal, family dynamics vary.
For Rafa and Yunior, their abusive father and submissive mother is their version of a normal family. They've never known anything else. In situations like this, often the children will grow up to have relationships that mirror their parents'. I can definitely see Rafa growing up to become an abusive husband/father. The amount of abuse he sees, and seems to feel no emotions towards, would make me think he would be more likely to develop similar tendencies. Especially because he seems to be Papi's "favorite". We also see Rafa almost respecting his father's ability to have a mistress, a reflection on Rafa's own sexual prowess. On the other hand, I cannot picture Yunior growing up to become abusive. The amount of compassion and emotion he displays in Fiesta, 1980, makes me think that he will grow up determined to differ from his father. Rafa never even considers telling Mami about father's affair, but it is a big issue that weighs on Yunior. This makes me think he couldn't do that to someone else.
Another relationship we see is in Aurora. In this story, the main relationship is between Aurora and Lucero. We see an interesting dynamic in this relationship. Neither Aurora or Lucero are in the clear in terms of being "innocent". We see both characters be abusive, manipulative, mean, and possible unfaithful. But does this make it okay if they both do it? That's a question that's been weighing on me. Anyway, while I was reading Aurora I definitely did not read it as a love story. Though it is a story about a boy and a girl who are physically intimate, I didn't think a relationship that abusive could be a loving one.
During our class discussion yesterday, the idea that perhaps this relationship was okay in their situation was brought up. The analogy of a "war zone" and their lives was repeatedly brought up. If their lives were in shambles, is it okay for their relationship to be too? Somehow this didn't legitimize their love story for me. But as I've continued thinking about their relationship, I've realized that I come from a place of privilege. I have never been abused. I have never lived in a home with abuse. I have never been to juvie. I have never been a drug addict. I have never lived in the "rough" part of New Jersey. So who am I, a privileged white girl, to judge Aurora and Lucero's relationship? Do I think it's healthy? No. Would most privileged people think it was healthy? Also no. But Aurora and Lucero are not privileged. So does this change the nature of how we view their relationship?
I agree with your assessment in the second paragraph. I think that children generally mirror their parents and exhibit similar behaviors. On the other hand, if the parent is particularly violent or threatening, some children grow up to be the opposite. They realize the terrible things their parents did and try to do the opposite.
ReplyDeleteIn response to the questions you pose in your last paragraph, about Aurora and Lucero's relationship, I'd say that it is love in some form or another. Love doesn't always look so pretty, and it isn't always healthy. In class we also talked about them being "addicted" to each other rather than in love, and while infatuated addiction or pure physical attraction are not love in themselves, I think that what they have is a sort of twisted love, an unhealthy relationship, one with an addictive quality, and heavily physical, but... I don't know, I just got the feeling that underneath all the ugliness and abusiveness, there's some sort of deeper feeling that could be construed as love. I guess my conclusion is, "love" can take many different forms. Maybe I'm just being idealistic. Feel free to disagree with me.
ReplyDeleteI would say that while Rafa certainly has a lot in common with his father as far as the way he reacts to people, it seems to me that his attitude toward women has a foundation in the general culture he grew up in, rather than his father specifically. Evidence: he already displays this behavior in "Ysrael," when his father is absent.
ReplyDeleteAs far as whether or not the relationship is love that we see, I think that life is way too messy to ascribe any real definition to the feelings of people. Even if we who have clean, organized lives can claim to understand our less organized minds and give labels to the things inside of them, I think it's a stretch to try to find a comparison with others. I'd have to agree with Elissa--she says that she is being idealistic in saying that it could be love with a different kind of exact symptoms, but I feel like rather than being idealistic she's being very objective -- she's finding very measurable ways of describing what constitutes love, saying that they are in love but then providing a bunch of conditionals like how it's abusive, et cetera... anyway, just some thoughts.
I've also been thinking about Lucero and Aurora's relationship. I agree with Elissa that I think this is a form of love story. They seem to not know any different. Lucero never mentions his dad, Aurora only has her Aunt to read the letters. And while even Cut says he needs to end the relationship, Cut could have come from a better background. Now, I don't want to be one of those people who says that he doesn't have the capability to love, I just think he doesn't know how. Love isn't always like the rom coms, love comes in many different ways. Although on the surface it seems like their relationship is just an addiction, I think there is love on some level.
ReplyDeleteThis post definitely brings up important points that many of us often forget. I find myself sometimes judging characters on their actions and how they think, and I forget that they have totally different backgrounds from me. What is normal to them might not be normal to me, and vice versa. I think it is very important to read these stories with this thought in mind.
ReplyDeleteOkay so I also wrote about relationships and I found it interesting how dysfunctional most of the relationships Diaz writes are. This is totally speculative, but I wonder if Diaz grew up in this environment and wants to try to get reader to understand. Like you said, most people at Uni have grown up in very safe and comfortable home, and I think seeing Diaz's version of "normal" can help give us some perspective.
ReplyDeleteI feel like even though Rafa and Yunior may be used to their family situation, they may not necessarily consider it "normal". I believe plenty of children in abnormal households may have gotten used to their situation, but know that generally things do not play out the way that they do. As for Aurora, it seems like a reasonable arrangement for both parties. I don't personally enjoy their handling of the situation, but a relationships properties should be determined by those in it, and they both seem to be fine with it as is.
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